Dirty Me Divine; a one-woman show dedicated to the Feminine

My soul desire is to bring this show to the masses and use art to heal shame around women’s bodies, our sexuality and our voice.

I want to reach 10,000 women through touring Dirty Me Divine.

And I request your support.

I have a kickstarter campaign to raise $$$ for the show, website and marketing materials.

More than a show, it’s a movement.

Because if we are to have a healthy thriving planet where women and men are seen, heard, and valued, it is vital that we begin speaking up for our story, our voice, our opinions, and our body.

Every donation, every facebook or twitter share is an energetic love boost to the campaign.

This is a community project and your support truly makes this movement happen.

So let’s fire up the Feminine together.

If you’re down:

1. Please watch the video above

2.  CLICK HERE to pledge a donation (ever dollar counts) + read more about the movment

3. SHARE THIS LINK with your friends

I know when I tell my story, it allows another woman to honor her story~ 


The Truth is… I’m scared

 

As you may know, I’ve been writing and dreaming of my one-woman show for 2 years now.
Two. Full. Years.

But now… now it is time to get into major action(a kickstarter campaign! A video for kickstarter! Requesting funds! Actually rehearsing this show!) And this is scary.

I feel a lot of energy. And part of what I teach is not labeling energy and just letting it be. But sometimes it feels good to just say…

I’m freakin scared.

When I found out how good it was to just say I’m scared, I began a practice where…

I *out* my fear: first on paper. And then (bonus points) in public.

Like this…

I am afraid that the kickstarter will fail… And I am scared that community won’t show up… That I don’t have “enough” community… That I will put in a lot of energy and the funds won’t show up… I am scared that I will get the money… And then I must make my show… And then what if I’m not good enough? And what if I’m not interesting enough to claim a stage with this story? This truth? This creation? And I still have to memorize that whole thing… the long-ass script I wrote and what if I can’t? What if I forget my lines on stage and what if I do the show, but hate my performance and…Oh freaking shit this is scary to admit but dang it feels so good….I am doing it, really doing it… and I have wanted, ached, desired, dreamed this for sooooooooo long that it matters… to my read beating heart… my five year old inner ballerina… my creative child… my adult badass… This. Matters. To. Me. Divine Love, I give this up to you, take the lead… as my cells quiver with fear bubbles… Hold me as I go throw-up from the sheer energy of it all… Love me as I let go…

And fall. Fall. Fall.

Next time you do a sacred and scary thing, try this:

  • Put it on paper.
  • Be real about it.
  • Share with friends that love you.
  • And then give the “outcome” to the Divine.

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Two Badass Invitations for you:

SHE: a one-day retreat for your artistpreneur(open to 14 women that want to spend the day with me)

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My Pain: Turning it into Feminine Fire

Woman in Red

It came swiftly. In one stabbing swoop, then another. And then all at once, clenching. An old wound, hit hard…. with pain.

Fear swept in and took me on an excursion. Fear and I visited hospital rooms and doctors. Hard core meds were prescribed with no diagnosis.

When there is no outer cure, deeper inward we must go.

As I sat in waiting rooms, my wise woman spoke quietly… very very quietly.

It’s not appendicitis.

You don’t need pain medication.

Reach out to the healers.

Ask and you will find the right ones.

I did. They appeared. Like Angels dropping from the sky…

A digestive healer helped with the pain.

An acupuncturist helped with the stress.

A sister and flower essence specialist helped link it all back to the emotional root. And added that in her experience the physical symptoms are the last to show up; meaning your intuition will tell you what’s up, but if you ignore or just keep it moving, eventually your body will cry out.

As I take this journey and go deeper with my own healing, there is space for reflection.

Here’s the question…..

What really supports me?

And underneath that….

What nourishes my roots so I can go out and give?

What waters my soul so I can feel connected to the divine within?

What loves me up so I am full of confident badassery + bold action steps?

TRUTH: I need– like must, must, must have– these components in my world:

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Life is waiting for your YES.

I turn the radio up and roll the windows down.

The music blasts and I sing at the top of my lungs.

Louder. Louder still.

A summer day full of possibility. My 11 year old niece and I cruising Seattle together. She joins in with me. Silly faces, giggles, more singing.

So. Much. Joy.

Until I go overboard.

Too loud. Too crazy.

“Tata,” she says, “People are staring.”

I shriek, “let them stare!!

“But they’ll think you’re crazy,” she admonishes me.

And I reply, “I don’t care what other people think.”

She quiets. Now taking herself outta our game.

I continue to rave like a lunatic who has overdosed on serotonin.

I feel gooooooood.

She watches

5 minutes pass.

I see her contemplating.

And then she asks the question…

 How do you get to the place where you don’t care what other people think?

Boom! Conversation takes off.

Me and Eliana

“Hey if you’re not doing anything next month,

Do you want to come out here to my place in Sedona? The land is potent and we can vision into our artistry together.”

I cradle the phone listening to this stranger speak my language. She and I share are passion for art. First conversation and I feel the magic.

A warm sensation in my tummy.

It says yes. Go.

But I don’t know this woman…

But this wasn’t planned in my budget…

But, but, but….

It’s scary.

And exciting.

And I decide to trust my heart.

The morning of I falter, why I am leaving my comfy home? What if we don’t mesh? I am not so sure…

Still, I go.

And I end up meeting a soul sista. Falling in love with her. Falling in love with Sedona. Falling in love with my truth.

Sedona

I… Am… Out of breath.

I can’t. I just can’t.

My body trembles as I run another mile. Everything inside of me feels… Strange.

I have never, ever run this long. I don’t even like running. In fact, I freakin hate running.

My face looks likes a tomato crapped on it. Unlike some, I don’t get rosy cheeks when I run, I just turn a lovely shade of crimson.

He tells me to breathe. My husband. The professional runner. Soothing me with me words like this…

You are safe. Just breathe. Find your breath.

And then I remember…

I am safe.

It’s ok to feel this heart pumping, this body shivering, this face burning.

My panic subsides.

And I find my stride.

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The “Call.” My Selfishness. And you.

Thank you for being with me as I honor my internal timeline around blogging.

My inner Child is dizzy with delight cuz I’m making my own rules. And there is much to share…

The past couple months I had traveled into lands of stillness. Lush, green forest surrounded me. Night time dips in the lake. Morning talks about life with my 11-year-old niece. Meditative chants at noon. Moments of such peace.

I felt how simple and present life could be. And I wanted more. I wanted everything to STOP.

I didn’t want to come back to LA.

Different energies fought within. The ghosts of society pulled at my hair, the beliefs of long-ago tugged at my mind, the truths of here-and-now tore at my heart.

The one-woman show tore at my limbs. You gotta do this thing!

The poetic pieces I wanted to film screamed. You gotta express!

The longing for family dinners… and perhaps a child… and living in the country… and a life that was just about… being. You are missing out!!

A temper tantrum from my Good Girl, “You don’t even know what you want!!”

And then the deep drop off the ego cliff, down I went, falling, with nothing to hold onto.

Down.
Deep.
Deeper.
Into Truth…

I do know what I want. But it has nothing to do with shiny shimmery accomplishments, accolades, or ass-kicking action steps.

It’s inner peace.

Yes. My one-woman show will go on. Yes. I will create. But with zero, and I mean zero, attachment to outcome.

Exhale.
Sigh.
Breathe.

And then more…

I want to feel my Hunger for every daring, delicious damn-good desire.
I want to lick my lips with the taste of this sweet honey of life.
I want to treat myself like a Queen of Badassery and listen to each inner whisper.

I want, I want, I want!

Oh. My. God.

How much I wannnnnnnnttttt!!! Like a wave that has just been unleashed.

How much I want.

My Queen steps out from the shadow and speaks. So clear. I hear Her Voice. Where has She been all these years? She’s not a sappy sweet wanting gal. She is not the Magical Child I have played with for so long. No.

 

fierce-woman
She is fierce. Calm. Clear. And oh-so-grounded in her desire.

Oh, but why haven’t I allowed myself to see how much I really, really want?

A. Because the old voice of Selfish has cock-blocked my wanting. And literally, I mean Cock. Blocked. The voice of “the man” telling me not to want too much, not to be so wild, not to be sooooo freakin’ needy.

B. But here’s the other Truth. I don’t wanna need or be needy with my desires anymore.

Desire without detachment.

This. This. THIS.

I breathe with this Truth. It is what I have been slowly stepping into, but now it is time to own it completely. I am peeling away the things that feel like *rules* of the masculine way. You may remember my post a couple months ago on blogging less. Just last week I stepped out of being an expert for an amazing biz company. I am grounding into my artist, which beyond the creative sense means that I am living from the space of:

Inspiration!-act on inspiration- express and release

vs…

Inspiration!- analyze inspiration- strategize inspiration- make inspiration “work”

The Divine Feminine. Her pulse so strong. A shock to my senses.

How much we/I have ignored Her. In our world. In our living. In ourselves. Where is the magic? The play? The sacred joy of a woman? Lost in pushing. Making. Working. Forcing.

I have written about this inner push/pull in me before. And perhaps I need to write and re-write my learning as I spiral deeper—like a slinky toy—into my sassy sacred center of knowing.

Tired…
Of the hunger in her body they call selfish
Of the expression in her soul they want to silence
Of emotions that have not yet cried out in agony
Of the voice in her art that longs to be heard
Of working herself to death, denying her true desires

It is the patriarchal language in her mind that silences her.
The calm, cool voice of reason.

Except– I know and you know– that reason is so unreasonable for a soul like this to expand.

We, as women, have forgotten…

The Feminine: a place of desire and hunger and flow

The Artist: a space of creativity and self-expression and play

The Soul Voice: a bold and badass voice that speaks her Truth in every area of her life without any attachment to who likes it, loves it, buys it, or shares it

I am taking a stand.
To remember.
Will you join me?

Ways to join me:

1. Let go of the little things. I am noticing how much letting go of so-called little things that don’t feel aligned makes room for BIG stuff. Little things like a messy closet, a blog schedule that doesn’t work, a meetup group that doesn’t quite fit, a sink full of dishes that you don’t want to clean (maid service!) We BS ourselves when we settle and say “it’s no big deal” and then feel yucky doing something we don’t want. If you feel uneasy, resentful, frustrated, tense or numb during certain activities, PAY ATTENTION. This is your sacred Wise Woman (aka your body) telling you to listen and then LET GO of what doesn’t serve your soul. It might feel scary, illogical or insane. And that is really good. The Divine Feminine doesn’t live in the rations of the mind, she lives in the murky milky pool of intuition. Beyond space and time.

2. Get Greedy. We need to look at words like “selfish” “greedy” and “sinful”. When you hear these words in your head, they instantly disconnect you from your soul and are great at taking you off the path of your Truth. I invite you to write a list of your desires from the voice of your “Queen.” Take some time to welcome your Queen back in. She’s probably been ignored and belittled and she might even be pissed off. Give her some space by allowing her to show you what she wants. And share your Queen List with me if you get inspired : )

3. Take a look at the sacred circle I have coming up. The invite is below…

***Comments? Ideas? Love? Please share in the comments section

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Blog Less, Soul More

 

stock-footage-happy-free-cheering-enjoying-freedom-hiking-celebrating-in-nature-hiking-woman-hiker-raising-arms

I feel like I am having a sacred soul awakening. It’s a bit messy. It’s a bit unknown. It’s one part art and two parts Truth and three parts Trust.

It feels like a subtle soul perfume that permeates everything, but not in obvious ways.

It tells me things like:

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Broken Open

Maggie inspired me so much in our journey of creating together and broke my heart wide open. My hope is that her raw and real,  sweet and sassy, courageous and creative voice inspires you to freak your truth. Even when there is fear– something Maggie learned to move through– which you can read about below…

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Watch this woman give birth

Jolette Jai certifies parenting coaches through her company, The Jai Institute for Parenting, and she was one of the amazing women chosen for ArtistPreneurs On Stage.

Jolette created a very intense, courageous performance around her birth and being a mother. Her and I both were excited about sharing this story with you.

I’ll let Jolette speak in her own words…

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A-List ArtistPreneur Sacred Circle. Set your voice + visibility + soulful expression free

“I want to be all used up when I die.” ~ George Bernard Shaw

What is an ArtistPreneur: A woman who is f***ing badassery. Creative and a leader. She doesn’t wait to be picked. She uses her voice and expression as a catalyst to create opportunities for her art, her career, her world.

She doesn’t always follow the rules. Instead she listens to her wild nature. Deep inside, she knows that the whisper of her soul will always put her on the “right” path.

She is committed to fierce self-expression. She lives by the uncommon belief that a fully expressed woman– a woman that is bold in her voice, aligned with her heart, confident in her worth, whole in her body, and playful in her actions—is a woman that can birth anything.

If this is something you stand for, or want to stand for, this sacred circle is for you…

A-List ArtistPreneur Sacred Circle

The cornerstones:

  • Become the ArtistPreneur of your lifeLive, create and take bold action on behalf of your soul.
  • Fierce Self-Expression: Approach every area of your life from your Truth. No apology.
  • Visibility: Perform your personal story in front of a LIVE audience in LA. Total Badassery.
  • Meaning and Adventure: Play now. Feel now. Experience now.

I am inviting up to 10 women to join me on an adventure into the center of your artistic soul.

This is a high-touch, red-carpet (literally) experience for leaders, change-makers, and creatives ready to take a deep dive into your way of speaking + sharing + living as the artist of your life.

If this stirs something within your self…

Learn more + downlead your application right here

 

 


Self Expression; A cry from the Soul

Artistpeneur5.14_17851

What does it mean to be a self-expressed woman in every area of my life?

I remember when I first tuned into this question a couple years ago.

If I were self-expressed in my art, I would be really outrageous. I would cuss. I would make poetry videos and AlterSheEgo videos and act on inspiration vs. figuring out what “worked for my brand.”

If I were self-expressed in my voice, I would share my story.  In a BIG way. I would do it on stage. I would honor my past. All of it. I would heal the wounds of shame by speaking about the parts of my life that felt ugly. I would own it. I would honor me. I would no longer hide. Major breakthrough there.

If I were self-expressed in my business, I would offer services that lit my ass on fiyah. I would be 100% me. I would integrate my artistry into my career. I would be so aligned that if my offers didn’t *work* I wouldn’t care cuz I was living my truth.

When I gave myself permission to connect to my True voice (which I call my artist’s voice), I felt a healing so potent, I took a stand so powerful, I felt a fire so red that my whole world shifted.

This healing came by connecting to the deepest part of me. My Truth.

Soul Sickness…

Creative entrepreneurs are feeling sick from leaving the artist out of the equation. When you deny your artist’s voice, you deny your soul.

So how do we bring the artist in?

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