Ta-da!! I am soooooooo excited to launch a LIVE monthly circle in LA for artistpreneurs. This space combines personal growth and performance art to support women in being visible, expressed and making the art you’ve been dreaming of.

 

SHE is for women that long for lusciously long retreats with your artist.

SHE is a sisterhood. Connected. Deep. Playful.

SHE is a place to explore your creative visions…

And. Make. Them. Real.

Bottom line: this is for truth-freakers that ache – long for – MUST HAVE expression in your life. It’s oxygen for your soul. And you know that every part of your life is more alive, flowing, meaningful, and successful when you honor your artist.  SHE is a five month commitment to your Artist.  Once a month (for 5 months) we will gather LIVE in LA for a deep dive weekend retreat with your artist, your sisters in the circle, and me.  You will be asked to birth one creative project during out time together and receive massive support in doing so.

Feeling called?

1. Scope out the deets right: HERE

2. Fill out the application form.

3. Get your app back to me by this Sunday March 8th. You can send it to christina@christinadunbar.com

Once I receive your app, we will set up a quick call to make sure this is a fit and welcome you to the circle.

APPLICATION TO BE CONSIDERED MUST BE RETURNED BY MARCH 8th

To your freaky, fierce, feminine artist SOUL!!!

 

A couple weeks ago, it hit me. Crankiness.  Tears. A feeling of malaise.

All I wanted to do was sit and binge watch Suits (which is hot, hot, hot .  I love! I love the comedy. I love Luis. I love Donna. I want to be Donna!)

But I digress.

As the binge watching continued, part of me felt “bad.” I was wondering why I didn’t feel motivated to do anything. If I was taking some time off, shouldn’t I at least be productive while on hiatus? Shouldn’t I be meditating under my favorite sexy oak tree?

I saw one of my friends last week and she asked me what I was up to. I gave her the run down: I was rebranding, I was following up on kickstarter rewards, I was completing connection calls, and I was also having long periods of TV watching. I told her it felt like I wasn’t doing much. She laughed and pointed out that it seemed like quite a bit.

“Why don’t you rest, Christina?” was her answer.

Silence.

Yes… why don’t I?

Rest.

What’s the fear behind doing nothing?

I tuned in. I noticed it wasn’t so much fear as judgment from my Good Girl that rest had to be “spiritually” aligned–hours of meditation and silence and journaling to pierce the deep, dark center of my Soul.

Um, gag.

That’s how I felt about that idea last week. This week? Different story. But last week?

Gag, gag, gag.

Amidst the gagging, I reminded myself of this fierce feminine Truth- my  soul is not about spiritual rules. It’s about trusting what my body deeply desires. And what my body deeply desired the past couple weeks was hibernation, less social media, lounging for hours. And I didn’t fully give myself the permission to go there because of the judgment.

My beautiful friend gave me some powerful information that my logical mind really appreciated.

She said they had done a study on successful athletes and what worked for them.  One of the things they found was that…

Superstar athletes pushed their bodies outta their comfort zones and when they did so, the tissues in certain muscles would tear a bit as they grew (a good thing).  But one of the differences that really stood out for successful athletes was that they allowed for deep rest after putting out a lot of energy. The tear would then heal but the muscle would be bigger. Stronger.

The researchers applied this principle of deep rest  to successful leaders and change-makers out and it was noted that those that allowed themselves deep rest  after a growth period were more creative, had more success, and more energy to fuel their goals.

It’s not about tearing our muscles over and over again with no break. It’s about stepping outta our comfort zone, channeling our energy, tearing through the edge of fear/doubt/resistance…

And then deep resting. (Without judging how you decide to do that)

ArtistPreneurs On Stage 3.0

Liberation.

Telling the Truth.

Freedom.

One of the creative projects that filled every glittery cell in my body was the birthing of ArtistPreneurs On Stage 3.0. This is the third time I have run this program where women take the stage with their most personal stories and it always feeds my hungry, horny-for-expression -Soul.

This showing was breath-taking. The women bared it all and the audience was changed. What was profound about this showing was that we included time for audience honoring—meaning the audience got to share with the ladies what they received after they saw the show. Because the women were badass balls of truth-fire; it opened up space for massive vulnerability for the audience.

Men stood up with tears in their eyes and honored what they had just seen…

“We are taught to fight and compete and be manly, because we are scared to do what you just did—that is real power”

“I’ve been to many professional performances; this is the first time I got to see the “performers” souls. Thank you”

This is just some of what was shared.

Vulnerability is our most accurate measurement of courage.” Brené Brown

I have permission to share one of the “performers” (truth-freakers).

I Invite you to get a taste of Artistpreneurs On Stage with Reena Lalita Desai performing Liberation.

Reena Lalita Desai- “Liberation” from christina dunbar on Vimeo.

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This past week there were some videos that graced my awareness and made me cheer for women, women’s voices, art, expression and creativity.

I know there are lotsa things to watch, but I promise, these are so worth it and only 2 minutes in length

Wanna be ignited? Take a look at these short, power packed videos with soul.

1.  THIS GIRL CAN is a UK based company that made this viral video for women that is inspiring many to jiggle, wiggle, sweat and love their body. And it is BadAss for sure!

WATCH THIS GIRL CAN HERE:

 

2. GET LIT: These three girls are part of an LA based organization that uses poetry as an outlet for teens. Watch them freak their truth on the Queen Latifah show.

WATCH GET LIT HERE:

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Last week I shared part 1 of my two-part post about my top 10 lessons from kickstarter which included:

1. Why with cry.

2. Trust the vision.

3. Leave the stories for your art.

4. Dump the Junk.

5. Ask with grace.

You can read the full article here.

And to continue from where we left off, here are the final lessons from my top 10 take-aways…

6. Follow the Feminine

When we have any big vision, there are a ton of action steps we can take, but that doesn’t mean we necessarily should take. Sometimes it feels like we have to do everything to make anything happen. But to me, that feels like chaotic energy.

I prefer aligned energy.

And the way I find my aligned energy is by following the Feminine. And the feminine is all about feeling.

When faced with a million choices on how to proceed, I ask myself these q’s:

What feels good in my body?

What feels the most energetic?

What feels the most graceful?

There were times during kickstarter where the stress would settle in and I could feel the contraction, the overwhelm, the chase. Not nice. And when that happened I would check in to the subtle whispers of my Wise Woman. She would gently guide my actions based on how She wanted to feel.

I know this had a beautiful impact on the success of the kickstarter. At one point I was masterminding with the brilliant Anne Perry and she was suggesting some ideas on possible next action steps to close the kickstarter goal. And because she is brilliant, she threw out many dazzling options, but I instantly knew what felt right. And it wasn’t the most logical, polished possibility; it was the one that felt right in my bones.

7. Act with love

This one is simple but not always easy; we can take action with love or with fear. We can surrender to the outcome that is for the highest good and act with ease or stress. Once we have an action plan, it is easy to stay stuck on results. And of course with kickstarter it was about the results and… if I just thought about that daily, it’d be gross.

How can we be ferociously devoted while also letting go of the tense expectation of an end result?

This is the spiritual journey.

I’m still learning and refining. For me, there is a poetic dance between desire and non-attachment. There is a slinky rhythm that allows me to want and act with relaxed movement at the same time. Making our dreams come true through forcing is not fun for me at this point.

I like fierce. I like focused. I like Feminine. I choose to act with love. [Read more...]

For all you artistpreneurs and visionary badasses;

This is part one of a two part post about the take-aways and major lessons learned from my kickstarter journey. For me, this has been one of the most intense (and involved) soul undertakings I have ever said YES to (great prep for Dirty Me Divine; the one-woman show).  And kickstarter was a GO!!!! The funds were raised and every cell in this body, every desire and delight, every thought and doubt has shifted and expanded from this experience.

As we move into 2015 and you move into your dirty divine visions, I hope the lessons  below support you in dreaming as wide and far as your magical child can imagine and then taking action that is as potent as your potential.

 Top 5 lessons (part one)

 1. Why with cry.

Any vision needs a soul-stirring, cell-tingling, body- quivering why. Ready to sweat love and life into your art? Then you gotta feel the WHY. The why for our visions aren’t polite or reasonable or polished; no no, they are raunchy, raw,  and real to your heart. There must be a full, phat, funky why. I don’t care if it makes you howl, giggle, or cry but it’s gotta make you feel deep. Begin there.

2. Trust the vision.

Your larger vision (for a show, a book, a program) will have many smaller visions underneath it. Each vision matters. Each vision needs your attention. Each vision must come from your Truth.  Don’t get so stuck on the “big” vision that you lose love for all the baby visions that must unfold first.

My larger vision of  Dirty me Divine was the umbrella for many other visions; including a kickstarter campaign.  And within kickstarter there was also the video vision that would promote the kickstarter message. I had a sense when I went into the video production of what I wanted, but I wasn’t 100% tuned in. When I saw a rough cut of what my videographer had put together, I felt a tug at my heart. It wasn’t the vision. It wasn’t hitting my core. And on a deeper level, my soul was missing from it.  My videographer wasn’t the problem, he’s amazing, but because I knew nothing about editing or producing a video, I had given away some creative license (aka my sassy soul) to the “pros.” I decided I was going to take that power back, even though I knew diddly squat about the techie aspect. The wild woman in me became possessed with vision; I made detailed notes about how I wanted to move images and cut scenes, add in words and take away split second pauses. I chose music, I felt through the process and trusted my instinct and put in sound cues. There were moments when my editor asked me, “Are you sure you want to do this?”  It would have been easy to back down, to let him lead, but my vision at this point was strong. I just had to trust it. We ended up collaborating, my editor and I, and it was magic. Together, we birthed a video I loved.

Learning: As women, we must learn to trust our voice. As artists, we must learn to trust our instincts. As the Divine, we must learn to trust our soul.

When tuning into your visions ask yourself:

• What is the look, feel, and expression of this vision?
• How do I want it to make me feel?
• What does it want to emote?
• What is the mood or tone?
• What is the core message?
• What is the soul of this vision?

3. Leave the stories for your art.

In raising funds for kickstarter I had to stretch my heart beyond her shadowy fears of not good enough. I had to face any old green demons around money and take down the gross snotty gremlins that guarded my capacity to receive. In short, I had to ask for support.

Again and again.

Here’s the thing about asking, it leaves you vulnerable. And it’s oh-so-peasy-breezy-easy for your monsters to make up mean stories about why someone isn’t responding to your requests. They must think I’m crazy/I’m bothering them/I’ve asked too much are just some of the dirty demons that crossed my mind.

But, I was proven wrong. On many occasions, women gave me more than what I asked, they responded with love, and gifted me with mastermind calls and ideas to get this thing done. Not everyone. But many.

And I learned to never ever make up a story that didn’t serve my soul about why someone perhaps couldn’t help. Instead of spiraling into “I suck” I chose things like: they might be super busy, maybe they don’t have space, it’s not about me.

Which leads me to lesson 4….

4.    Dump the junk.

When your vision is mad huge and your heart is pumping with passion, the floodgates are open; to tears, to ooey-gooey tenderness, to raw risky exposure. The heart, sacred, dazzling, and full of l.o.v.e is sensitive and wants to open and contract or close. The practice of staying open was perhaps one of the greatest spiritual lessons of this kickstarter journey. It was easy to make a bold request and then want to shrink away from it. For example, if I had 15 people I wanted to reach out to in one day, after not hearing back from 7 of them, it would be easy to want to quit (and close the heart). But I knew that if this dope dream was my destiny, I would want to remain open. And the way through that, was to dump the junk.

 Daily.

We are channels of energy and I like to imagine that I have a pipeline running through my body that connects me to the heavens and the earth. That line is either clear or murky. And if it’s clogged with icky feelings or thoughts, I can’t take clean action. I may take action, but if it is heavy, uninspired, or robotic; it muddies the response to that action. So daily, I would dump any thoughts of: I can’t do this, it won’t work, they don’t like me.

 Tools I used to dump were:

• Writing the thoughts, dumping them from mind to paper. I like outing the shadow into the light so that was huge for me.
• SOS calls to sisters with requests to cheer me on.
• Calling on my Alter Shego. I have a badass bitch within that’ll cut through the whiny noise of my good girl and get shit done without worry or concern about other people’s reactions. I like her. A lot. I used her. A lot.

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My soul desire is to bring this show to the masses and use art to heal shame around women’s bodies, our sexuality and our voice.

I want to reach 10,000 women through touring Dirty Me Divine.

And I request your support.

I have a kickstarter campaign to raise $$$ for the show, website and marketing materials.

More than a show, it’s a movement.

Because if we are to have a healthy thriving planet where women and men are seen, heard, and valued, it is vital that we begin speaking up for our story, our voice, our opinions, and our body.

Every donation, every facebook or twitter share is an energetic love boost to the campaign.

This is a community project and your support truly makes this movement happen.

So let’s fire up the Feminine together.

If you’re down:

1. Please watch the video above

2.  CLICK HERE to pledge a donation (ever dollar counts) + read more about the movment

3. SHARE THIS LINK with your friends

I know when I tell my story, it allows another woman to honor her story~ 

 

As you may know, I’ve been writing and dreaming of my one-woman show for 2 years now.
Two. Full. Years.

But now… now it is time to get into major action(a kickstarter campaign! A video for kickstarter! Requesting funds! Actually rehearsing this show!) And this is scary.

I feel a lot of energy. And part of what I teach is not labeling energy and just letting it be. But sometimes it feels good to just say…

I’m freakin scared.

When I found out how good it was to just say I’m scared, I began a practice where…

I *out* my fear: first on paper. And then (bonus points) in public.

Like this…

I am afraid that the kickstarter will fail… And I am scared that community won’t show up… That I don’t have “enough” community… That I will put in a lot of energy and the funds won’t show up… I am scared that I will get the money… And then I must make my show… And then what if I’m not good enough? And what if I’m not interesting enough to claim a stage with this story? This truth? This creation? And I still have to memorize that whole thing… the long-ass script I wrote and what if I can’t? What if I forget my lines on stage and what if I do the show, but hate my performance and…Oh freaking shit this is scary to admit but dang it feels so good….I am doing it, really doing it… and I have wanted, ached, desired, dreamed this for sooooooooo long that it matters… to my read beating heart… my five year old inner ballerina… my creative child… my adult badass… This. Matters. To. Me. Divine Love, I give this up to you, take the lead… as my cells quiver with fear bubbles… Hold me as I go throw-up from the sheer energy of it all… Love me as I let go…

And fall. Fall. Fall.

Next time you do a sacred and scary thing, try this:

• Put it on paper.
• Be real about it.
• Share with friends that love you.
• And then give the “outcome” to the Divine.

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Two Badass Invitations for you:

SHE: a one-day retreat for your artistpreneur(open to 14 women that want to spend the day with me)

[Read more...]

It came swiftly. In one stabbing swoop, then another. And then all at once, clenching. An old wound, hit hard…. with pain.

Fear swept in and took me on an excursion. Fear and I visited hospital rooms and doctors. Hard core meds were prescribed with no diagnosis.

When there is no outer cure, deeper inward we must go.

As I sat in waiting rooms, my wise woman spoke quietly… very very quietly.

It’s not appendicitis.

You don’t need pain medication.

Reach out to the healers.

Ask and you will find the right ones.

I did. They appeared. Like Angels dropping from the sky…

A digestive healer helped with the pain.

An acupuncturist helped with the stress.

A sister and flower essence specialist helped link it all back to the emotional root. And added that in her experience the physical symptoms are the last to show up; meaning your intuition will tell you what’s up, but if you ignore or just keep it moving, eventually your body will cry out.

As I take this journey and go deeper with my own healing, there is space for reflection.

Here’s the question…..

What really supports me?

And underneath that….

What nourishes my roots so I can go out and give?

What waters my soul so I can feel connected to the divine within?

What loves me up so I am full of confident badassery + bold action steps?

TRUTH: I need– like must, must, must have– these components in my world:

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I turn the radio up and roll the windows down.

The music blasts and I sing at the top of my lungs.

Louder. Louder still.

A summer day full of possibility. My 11 year old niece and I cruising Seattle together. She joins in with me. Silly faces, giggles, more singing.

So. Much. Joy.

Until I go overboard.

Too loud. Too crazy.

“Tata,” she says, “People are staring.”

I shriek, “let them stare!!’

“But they’ll think you’re crazy,” she admonishes me.

And I reply, “I don’t care what other people think.”

She quiets. Now taking herself outta our game.

I continue to rave like a lunatic who has overdosed on serotonin.

I feel gooooooood.

She watches

5 minutes pass.

I see her contemplating.

And then she asks the question…

 How do you get to the place where you don’t care what other people think?

Boom! Conversation takes off.

“Hey if you’re not doing anything next month,

Do you want to come out here to my place in Sedona? The land is potent and we can vision into our artistry together.”

I cradle the phone listening to this stranger speak my language. She and I share are passion for art. First conversation and I feel the magic.

A warm sensation in my tummy.

It says yes. Go.

But I don’t know this woman…

But this wasn’t planned in my budget…

But, but, but….

It’s scary.

And exciting.

And I decide to trust my heart.

The morning of I falter, why I am leaving my comfy home? What if we don’t mesh? I am not so sure…

Still, I go.

And I end up meeting a soul sista. Falling in love with her. Falling in love with Sedona. Falling in love with my truth.

I… Am… Out of breath.

I can’t. I just can’t.

My body trembles as I run another mile. Everything inside of me feels… Strange.

I have never, ever run this long. I don’t even like running. In fact, I freakin hate running.

My face looks likes a tomato crapped on it. Unlike some, I don’t get rosy cheeks when I run, I just turn a lovely shade of crimson.

He tells me to breathe. My husband. The professional runner. Soothing me with me words like this…

You are safe. Just breathe. Find your breath.

And then I remember…

I am safe.

It’s ok to feel this heart pumping, this body shivering, this face burning.

My panic subsides.

And I find my stride.

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Thank you for being with me as I honor my internal timeline around blogging.

My inner Child is dizzy with delight cuz I’m making my own rules. And there is much to share…

The past couple months I had traveled into lands of stillness. Lush, green forest surrounded me. Night time dips in the lake. Morning talks about life with my 11-year-old niece. Meditative chants at noon. Moments of such peace.

I felt how simple and present life could be. And I wanted more. I wanted everything to STOP.

I didn’t want to come back to LA.

Different energies fought within. The ghosts of society pulled at my hair, the beliefs of long-ago tugged at my mind, the truths of here-and-now tore at my heart.

The one-woman show tore at my limbs. You gotta do this thing!

The poetic pieces I wanted to film screamed. You gotta express!

The longing for family dinners… and perhaps a child… and living in the country… and a life that was just about… being. You are missing out!!

A temper tantrum from my Good Girl, “You don’t even know what you want!!”

And then the deep drop off the ego cliff, down I went, falling, with nothing to hold onto.

Down.
Deep.
Deeper.
Into Truth…

I do know what I want. But it has nothing to do with shiny shimmery accomplishments, accolades, or ass-kicking action steps.

It’s inner peace.

Yes. My one-woman show will go on. Yes. I will create. But with zero, and I mean zero, attachment to outcome.

Exhale.
Sigh.
Breathe.

And then more…

I want to feel my Hunger for every daring, delicious damn-good desire.
I want to lick my lips with the taste of this sweet honey of life.
I want to treat myself like a Queen of Badassery and listen to each inner whisper.

I want, I want, I want!

Oh. My. God.

How much I wannnnnnnnttttt!!! Like a wave that has just been unleashed.

How much I want.

My Queen steps out from the shadow and speaks. So clear. I hear Her Voice. Where has She been all these years? She’s not a sappy sweet wanting gal. She is not the Magical Child I have played with for so long. No.

 

She is fierce. Calm. Clear. And oh-so-grounded in her desire.

Oh, but why haven’t I allowed myself to see how much I really, really want?

A. Because the old voice of Selfish has cock-blocked my wanting. And literally, I mean Cock. Blocked. The voice of “the man” telling me not to want too much, not to be so wild, not to be sooooo freakin’ needy.

B. But here’s the other Truth. I don’t wanna need or be needy with my desires anymore.

Desire without detachment.

This. This. THIS.

I breathe with this Truth. It is what I have been slowly stepping into, but now it is time to own it completely. I am peeling away the things that feel like *rules* of the masculine way. You may remember my post a couple months ago on blogging less. Just last week I stepped out of being an expert for an amazing biz company. I am grounding into my artist, which beyond the creative sense means that I am living from the space of:

Inspiration!-act on inspiration- express and release

vs…

Inspiration!- analyze inspiration- strategize inspiration- make inspiration “work”

The Divine Feminine. Her pulse so strong. A shock to my senses.

How much we/I have ignored Her. In our world. In our living. In ourselves. Where is the magic? The play? The sacred joy of a woman? Lost in pushing. Making. Working. Forcing.

I have written about this inner push/pull in me before. And perhaps I need to write and re-write my learning as I spiral deeper—like a slinky toy—into my sassy sacred center of knowing.

Tired…
Of the hunger in her body they call selfish
Of the expression in her soul they want to silence
Of emotions that have not yet cried out in agony
Of the voice in her art that longs to be heard
Of working herself to death, denying her true desires

It is the patriarchal language in her mind that silences her.
The calm, cool voice of reason.

Except– I know and you know– that reason is so unreasonable for a soul like this to expand.

We, as women, have forgotten…

The Feminine: a place of desire and hunger and flow

The Artist: a space of creativity and self-expression and play

The Soul Voice: a bold and badass voice that speaks her Truth in every area of her life without any attachment to who likes it, loves it, buys it, or shares it

I am taking a stand.
To remember.
Will you join me?

Ways to join me:

1. Let go of the little things. I am noticing how much letting go of so-called little things that don’t feel aligned makes room for BIG stuff. Little things like a messy closet, a blog schedule that doesn’t work, a meetup group that doesn’t quite fit, a sink full of dishes that you don’t want to clean (maid service!) We BS ourselves when we settle and say “it’s no big deal” and then feel yucky doing something we don’t want. If you feel uneasy, resentful, frustrated, tense or numb during certain activities, PAY ATTENTION. This is your sacred Wise Woman (aka your body) telling you to listen and then LET GO of what doesn’t serve your soul. It might feel scary, illogical or insane. And that is really good. The Divine Feminine doesn’t live in the rations of the mind, she lives in the murky milky pool of intuition. Beyond space and time.

2. Get Greedy. We need to look at words like “selfish” “greedy” and “sinful”. When you hear these words in your head, they instantly disconnect you from your soul and are great at taking you off the path of your Truth. I invite you to write a list of your desires from the voice of your “Queen.” Take some time to welcome your Queen back in. She’s probably been ignored and belittled and she might even be pissed off. Give her some space by allowing her to show you what she wants. And share your Queen List with me if you get inspired : )

3. Take a look at the sacred circle I have coming up. The invite is below…

***Comments? Ideas? Love? Please share in the comments section

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