Thank you for being with me as I honor my internal timeline around blogging.
My inner Child is dizzy with delight cuz I’m making my own rules. And there is much to share…
The past couple months I had traveled into lands of stillness. Lush, green forest surrounded me. Night time dips in the lake. Morning talks about life with my 11-year-old niece. Meditative chants at noon. Moments of such peace.
I felt how simple and present life could be. And I wanted more. I wanted everything to STOP.
I didn’t want to come back to LA.
Different energies fought within. The ghosts of society pulled at my hair, the beliefs of long-ago tugged at my mind, the truths of here-and-now tore at my heart.
The one-woman show tore at my limbs. You gotta do this thing!
The poetic pieces I wanted to film screamed. You gotta express!
The longing for family dinners… and perhaps a child… and living in the country… and a life that was just about… being. You are missing out!!
A temper tantrum from my Good Girl, “You don’t even know what you want!!”
And then the deep drop off the ego cliff, down I went, falling, with nothing to hold onto.
I do know what I want. But it has nothing to do with shiny shimmery accomplishments, accolades, or ass-kicking action steps.
It’s inner peace.
Yes. My one-woman show will go on. Yes. I will create. But with zero, and I mean zero, attachment to outcome.
And then more…
I want to feel my Hunger for every daring, delicious damn-good desire.
I want to lick my lips with the taste of this sweet honey of life.
I want to treat myself like a Queen of Badassery and listen to each inner whisper.
I want, I want, I want!
Oh. My. God.
How much I wannnnnnnnttttt!!! Like a wave that has just been unleashed.
How much I want.
My Queen steps out from the shadow and speaks. So clear. I hear Her Voice. Where has She been all these years? She’s not a sappy sweet wanting gal. She is not the Magical Child I have played with for so long. No.
Oh, but why haven’t I allowed myself to see how much I really, really want?
A. Because the old voice of Selfish has cock-blocked my wanting. And literally, I mean Cock. Blocked. The voice of “the man” telling me not to want too much, not to be so wild, not to be sooooo freakin’ needy.
B. But here’s the other Truth. I don’t wanna need or be needy with my desires anymore.
Desire without detachment.
This. This. THIS.
I breathe with this Truth. It is what I have been slowly stepping into, but now it is time to own it completely. I am peeling away the things that feel like *rules* of the masculine way. You may remember my post a couple months ago on blogging less. Just last week I stepped out of being an expert for an amazing biz company. I am grounding into my artist, which beyond the creative sense means that I am living from the space of:
Inspiration!-act on inspiration- express and release
Inspiration!- analyze inspiration- strategize inspiration- make inspiration “work”
The Divine Feminine. Her pulse so strong. A shock to my senses.
How much we/I have ignored Her. In our world. In our living. In ourselves. Where is the magic? The play? The sacred joy of a woman? Lost in pushing. Making. Working. Forcing.
I have written about this inner push/pull in me before. And perhaps I need to write and re-write my learning as I spiral deeper—like a slinky toy—into my sassy sacred center of knowing.
Of the hunger in her body they call selfish
Of the expression in her soul they want to silence
Of emotions that have not yet cried out in agony
Of the voice in her art that longs to be heard
Of working herself to death, denying her true desires
It is the patriarchal language in her mind that silences her.
The calm, cool voice of reason.
Except– I know and you know– that reason is so unreasonable for a soul like this to expand.
We, as women, have forgotten…
The Feminine: a place of desire and hunger and flow
The Artist: a space of creativity and self-expression and play
The Soul Voice: a bold and badass voice that speaks her Truth in every area of her life without any attachment to who likes it, loves it, buys it, or shares it
I am taking a stand.
Will you join me?
Ways to join me:
1. Let go of the little things. I am noticing how much letting go of so-called little things that don’t feel aligned makes room for BIG stuff. Little things like a messy closet, a blog schedule that doesn’t work, a meetup group that doesn’t quite fit, a sink full of dishes that you don’t want to clean (maid service!) We BS ourselves when we settle and say “it’s no big deal” and then feel yucky doing something we don’t want. If you feel uneasy, resentful, frustrated, tense or numb during certain activities, PAY ATTENTION. This is your sacred Wise Woman (aka your body) telling you to listen and then LET GO of what doesn’t serve your soul. It might feel scary, illogical or insane. And that is really good. The Divine Feminine doesn’t live in the rations of the mind, she lives in the murky milky pool of intuition. Beyond space and time.
2. Get Greedy. We need to look at words like “selfish” “greedy” and “sinful”. When you hear these words in your head, they instantly disconnect you from your soul and are great at taking you off the path of your Truth. I invite you to write a list of your desires from the voice of your “Queen.” Take some time to welcome your Queen back in. She’s probably been ignored and belittled and she might even be pissed off. Give her some space by allowing her to show you what she wants. And share your Queen List with me if you get inspired : )
3. Take a look at the sacred circle I have coming up. The invite is below…
***Comments? Ideas? Love? Please share in the comments section