As you may know, I’ve been writing and dreaming of my one-woman show for 2 years now.
Two. Full. Years.
But now… now it is time to get into major action(a kickstarter campaign! A video for kickstarter! Requesting funds! Actually rehearsing this show!) And this is scary.
I feel a lot of energy. And part of what I teach is not labeling energy and just letting it be. But sometimes it feels good to just say…
I’m freakin scared.
When I found out how good it was to just say I’m scared, I began a practice where…
I *out* my fear: first on paper. And then (bonus points) in public.
I am afraid that the kickstarter will fail… And I am scared that community won’t show up… That I don’t have “enough” community… That I will put in a lot of energy and the funds won’t show up… I am scared that I will get the money… And then I must make my show… And then what if I’m not good enough? And what if I’m not interesting enough to claim a stage with this story? This truth? This creation? And I still have to memorize that whole thing… the long-ass script I wrote and what if I can’t? What if I forget my lines on stage and what if I do the show, but hate my performance and…Oh freaking shit this is scary to admit but dang it feels so good….I am doing it, really doing it… and I have wanted, ached, desired, dreamed this for sooooooooo long that it matters… to my read beating heart… my five year old inner ballerina… my creative child… my adult badass… This. Matters. To. Me. Divine Love, I give this up to you, take the lead… as my cells quiver with fear bubbles… Hold me as I go throw-up from the sheer energy of it all… Love me as I let go…
And fall. Fall. Fall.
Next time you do a sacred and scary thing, try this:
- Put it on paper.
- Be real about it.
- Share with friends that love you.
- And then give the “outcome” to the Divine.